Random memories (NSFW NSFC racism)   1 comment


Mardi Gras is something I wanted to experience at least once in my life. The colors, music, parades and food called me every year from across the bayou. Growing up, I lived close enough to know people who had gone but far enough away that I couldn’t go by myself. With my father, it was considered a heinous crime to even WANT to go because New Orléans was full of niggers and it was a nigger holiday.

 My father was part of  the local KKK group and we didn’t have many blacks in our town that I knew of. Honestly I don’t remember the blacks we had in our school except for one very tall girl who sang like nothing I’d ever heard before. My father caught me talking to her once and I couldn’t walk for two days after he got done beating me.

He beat us often, my brothers and I. Usually for trivial things we’d get beaten but the big things were overlooked. Once, I was caught by a security guard in the store near our house, stealing candy bars. They called my parents and I had to walk home, four blocks, knowing my father was waiting at home to beat me. When I got home, he sent me to my room to do my homework. It was never mentioned again. Shortly afterward, a month maybe, I was caught smoking in the park near our house. I ended up with a bloody nose, black eye and severe headaches for weeks after that beating. I was in third grade.

The little mobile home park we lived in for a while in Pasadena was situated near a XXX drive in theater. Behind our house was a large grassy area that was totally overgrown with weeds and trash. We’d made a fort among the trash and overgrowth and from the door we could see the screen of the theater. There were many nights when my brothers and I or my girlfriend who was 13, would lay out there and watch the movies. A few nights my girlfriend would masturbate while watching and taught me how to do it myself. She was the first female I’d tasted and the very first time I’d been gone down on. I loved the taste and feel of her body, her small breasts becoming larger, it seemed, overnight. I loved being held by her. She was so tender and sweet. I think I actually fell in love with her. When my father discovered us kissing in my bedroom, he forbade us seeing each other again. I was devastated and can only think this was a big part of the beginning of my lifelong depression.

When I met my best friend, I remember thinking she was totally awesome. We did everything together. We smoked pot, tried drinking, her for the first time, got in trouble, slept at each others houses, snuck off to the beach at night. I was a terrible influence on her

 I was in the same room with her when she lost her virginity. It was a shed we were in and we were separated by a piece of plywood. Steve and I were screwing like rabbits and I heard her crying, telling Walt to stop, he was hurting her. I told her to relax and the pain would stop, just breath and calm down. She quieted down and I kept fucking Steve. I knew if my father knew I was being fucked by a mexican, especially Steve, he’d be pissed. That just made it more important that I open my legs for him as often as possible. I often slipped out the window to have sex with him, walking a block from the house so my dad wouldn’t hear his motorcycle as we rode away.

Walt was the guy Barb lost her virginity to and I hear tell, 20 some years later, they are still together. If it’s true, I’m so very happy if she’s still happy with him. I miss her horribly as the years go by.

One response to “Random memories (NSFW NSFC racism)

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  1. where is your like button?

    Like

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