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Words of wisdom flew from my fingertips…   Leave a comment

While posting in a conversation on Facebook, Someone made a comment that was directed toward me about my statement that I had been a hooker at one time. She said I was nasty and that she wouldn’t be bragging.

This was my response “People who only see the statement “I was a hooker” assume that whatever degrading words they say will make me feel bad. I don’t. I only smirk and walk away because I know what I went through, I know how strong it made me. The fact that I’m still alive, 20+ years later, a mother of three of the most awesome Denverites in the world, a successful author and teacher, activist for trafficked youths AND still compassionate toward others speaks volumes. Nothing she or anyone else can say will ever change that. I am a better person now because of where I was then.”

This statement actually floored me. The power from that one paragraph brought tears to my eyes. I AM a better person for everything I went through back then and nothing anyone can say will EVER take that away from me.

Angels Secret Heart   2 comments

I walk out of the jailhouse into the heat of mid morning. The waves of heat already warping the road, making it look like I’m staring onto the ocean as I wait for the gate to open and let me out. I turn and look at the building, the gate grating across the rough gravel, and vow to never again be caught inside. I walk to the bus stop and sit on the bench, holding the bus voucher they gave me on the way out. The sun feels hot on my skin as I wait, wondering where the hell I’m supposed to go. I think of the only place I’d be welcomed with open arms.


I stopped and had lunch with my mom at work. We talked about my plans and the future. She gave me the extra key to her apartment, some money for the bus and I headed off into the sweltering heat of the day. Standing at the stop in front of her workplace, I have a decision to make. Go to her place and get my life together or head back to the streets. The bus comes before I decide so, I climb aboard and pay the fare.

I sat in the back beside a couple of guys I’d never met before and they strike up a conversation with me. By the time we get to my mom’s house, I’m soul kissing them. I get them to come with me to moms place and take them both to her bed where we fuck like rabbits till half an hour before mom was due home. I never saw them again after they left.

My mom’s apartment is in a run down area of town and has a couple of crack dealers in the complex that I know well. That night, I’m at Ice’s place, letting him fuck me so I can get high. I’ve told my mom I was going to be at his house but she doesn’t know he’s a dealer. I think she’d shit if she knew. I snag a few rocks from him for later and go back to moms. She’s asleep so I get myself something to eat in the darkness of the kitchen and slip into my little brothers bedroom. I slip into his bed and snuggle with him before drifting off to sleep.

When I wake up hours later, the house is empty and quiet. I take a long shower and dress in shorts and sleeveless shirt then grab the bus pass mom has bought me and stuff it into my purse. I get my glass crack pipe, put in a good-sized rock and light it up, sucking the heavenly cloud deep into my lungs. Immediately my body is throbbing and my head feels light. I finish the rock, hide the pipe and leave the apartment.


The smell of the traffic tickles my nose as I stretch my legs, pointing my shapely ass toward the street as I’m bending down to touch the hot concrete before me. I hear the squeal of tires and a metallic crunch as I stand up and turn, my eyes catching sight of a grey sedan with a green sports car attached to its back bumper. I let out a gasp and run over to them asking if everyone is OK. The older guy grumbles as he gets out and looks at the damage while the young man in the sports car searches for his insurance information. He turns to get out of the car, sees me and blushes before yelling at me about my damned sexy ass making him have an accident and how it should be illegal. I have to laugh and start walking away when the cops get there. I hear the officer yell at me to come back but I just keep walking, hoping they leave me alone.


After a lunch of burgers and fries, I sit just off the street, watching the undercover cops working Beverly over. She’s so old I swear she’s my mom’s age! I know she’s been on the streets a long time. According to her, she’s been arrested thirty-five times! I think she should settle down and leave the guys to us but, she’s not going anywhere.

The officers leave and she comes over to bum a smoke. We talk for a bit, she warns me the cops are heavy tonight and heads off toward her house. She’s taking the night off it would seem.That’s good. Means more money for me.


I look at the small, lighted dial on my wrist. Almost three AM and the traffic has gotten lighter. No tricks for half an hour and I’m sitting at Colfax and Yosemite, feet dangling off the wall. I’m bored and thinking of taking off for home. Tonight, I’m staying at the Lazy C motel. They know I’m a hooker and they don’t care, as long as I don’t bring the cops. I’ve managed to bring them a lot of business over the years and make no problems for them so they are happy. I never work out of that motel. It’s where I sleep.

He pulls up to the curb and calls my name. I look around and grin, seeing no cops around. I grab my small purse and trot over to the car, open the door and jump in. “hey Tom, how’s it hangin?” He chuckles “It’s not, now. You always make him stand up and pay attention” I laugh at this as he hands me twenty bucks. We drive up to the park and I make him feel less tense then he looks at me, breathlessly, for a bit before shaking his head. “Damn, if my wife was half that good…” “I’d be out a hundred dollars a week” I finished for him with a grin.

“You got that right! Hey, I’ve been wondering. How much to fuck you?” I grinned and squirmed “mmmm for you… thirty. I know you’re good for fifty but I also know that I’d love to feel you between my legs” He laughed and looks around “We’d have to get out of the car, no way we could do it over the stick shift!” I open the door and step out into the cool darkness, looking around “no ones around, we could go down by the creek and….” I walk around the front of the car as he gets out, pulling out his wallet.

He hands me thirty dollars and we head down the path to the creek. We find a spot and lay by the water, stroking and kissing like long-lost lovers. He is passionate and attentive, bringing my body to its peek and crashing over several times before finally filling me full. Afterward, we lay atop the blanket he’d brought, sweat drying off our skin, catching our breath.

He looked at me and chuckled “damn, Angel, I thought hookers hated sex!” I laughed hard and shook my head “not me, Tom. I love my job!” “no shit!” he exclaimed as he rolled over to me and kissed me tenderly. “you know, Angel, you don’t have to do this. I’d pay your rent for you if that’s why you do this….. I never asked why before but I’m curious. Why DO you do this?”

I sighed and looked up at the starry sky, my heart aching as my eyes teared up. “I can’t help it, Tom. It’s like a drug for me. I HAVE to. I’ve tried to stop, I’ve even gone to other states but I always find the street again” I take a deep breath and look at him It doesn’t matter how big the town is, either. Once I was in a podunk little town in Idaho and a guy in a bar asked me how much. Before I knew it, I was in his truck, getting a train pulled on me with the guys each giving me twenty bucks!”

He smiled at me and wiped a tear from my cheek “It’s not your fault, Angel. You OOZE sexuality. I think it’s because you are always so… confident. You’re sexy and you know it and that turns men on. You’re so beautiful and young and already you’re so sure of yourself..Trust me, that’s one reason I keep looking for you when I’m on Colfax”

I lift up on my elbows and look at him “So, you’re saying, that if I stopped being so confident, men will leave me alone?” He looked at me a moment and frowned “no… you know, I don’t think you can help it. You know how some people are naturally smart or natural leaders…. I think you’re just naturally sexy. It’s like your putting out pheromones that make men crazy around you.”

“Genetically predisposed to be a slut…. hmmm… you might be on to something there, Einstein. How about we test that theory?” I reach over and take his sticky flesh in my hand and grin, a soft purr from my lips “He seems to be paying attention again”