Archive for March 2012
What to my wondering eyes should appear,first thing this morning, but an award that says what I’ve always been told by my friends! Sexwithdexx has nominated me for this award and I’m so very grateful for the support and encouragement from such an awesome writer. This is exactly what I needed this morning. Thank you!
Well, Here’s where I’m supposed to write an embarrassing or awkward intimate moment per the rules so, here goes. Though it’s kinda weird coming on the heels of what I usually write lol.
After the death of my second husband, I moved back to Denver to be near my mother and family. I moved in with my younger brothers best friend about a month after we met, sort of a friends/roommates with benefits thing. Neither of us wanted relationship but the sex was mind blowing.
Now, M lived in a 1 bedroom apartment and so I was sharing the bed with him. No brainer there huh. My little brothers apartment building had burned down so he was sleeping on the couch. He worked two jobs so was home long enough to sleep and shower most days.
One particular day, M and I were having a day in bed, as was oft our deal on his day off. We had woken up late and, feeling particularly frisky, I decided to get on top. Usually quite vocal during orgasm, I am especially noisy when on top for some reason. This time was no different.
After a while of lovemaking, my orgasm was so intense that I shouted. “Damn, damn DAMN!!” As I collapse over M, my younger brother bursts into the room and says “What the fuck are you doing….. oh… um.. damn sis.. ” and he backs out, blushing.
After M and I get dressed, me giggling the whole time, we go out in the living roo, where my brother is sitting, looking sheepishly at us. I laugh and sat down beside him “What’s wrong Tim?” I ask. His response is “When I ca,e in from work, I heard you yelling and thought you were yelling my name…. I hope I was wrong… considering what I saw..” I’m confused for a minute then he continues “um… you weren’t calling MY name when… you know… THEN?”
It dawned on me… he thought I was calling out his name in my moment of passion! I don’t know what was more embarrassing, that or him seeing me stuffed full of his best friend!
Now, to award someone else for the award..
I wake up in the morning and get my clothes ready. I pack my backpack and hobo bag I can slip over my shoulder. Steve is at work by now so I leave him a note telling him goodbye and head out the door. I stop by the Churches and grab a 5 piece chicken and some biscuits then hit the liquor store for a big bottle of pop and a fifth of Jack Daniels. I get onto the city bus that will take me as close to the freeway as possible. I grab a bottled water at the 7-11 by the freeway entrance then hit the road. I walk about a mile before getting my first ride.
A young guy stops his pickup and I run up to the passenger window. “How far you going?” He asks. I laugh “New York” He shakes his head and says “Hop in, I’ll take you as far as I’m going.” I toss my backpack in the back of the truck and jump in the cab “Thanks!” I smile when I get in and slam the door, asking “So, how far are you going?” “Just to Byers but it’ll get you away from the city before rush hour is over.” His response spoken as he hits the gas. We talk small talk till he pulls off the highway and into a mom and pop type store. The guy gives me 20 bucks “for the road” before I get out. Nice guy. I thank him sweetly and get my bag from the bed of the truck.
I resettle the packs on my back as I start walking back to the highway. Not long afterward a van pulls up and the passenger asks if I need a ride. I could smell the weed inside as I get in “Where ya goin sista?” asks a cute black chick in the back “New York” I tell her as I slip between the people “Oh, Toms going there. ‘m sure he won’t mind another babe in wit us.Will ya Tom?” From the front seat I hear “You know the rules. Grass, ass or cash, that’s all it takes to ride!” I dig into my pocket and hand up the twenty “That’s all the cash I got but I got all the ass you can handle if that isn’t enough.” There’s laughter all around and the black girl high fives me then asks me for a cigarette.
Looking around the inside of the van as they pass a joint around, I notice it has a small bed in back that the girl is sitting on, smoking. “Sweet ride” I comment with a grin. “Me or the van?” she asks with a chuckle. I look her over and giggle “Both, truthfully” The guys closest to us bust out laughing and let out a whoop of excitement “Oh yeah, girl action!” One yells. The driver yells back “Not unless I can watch. I need some ass too you know!” They all laugh as I climb over the back of my seat to sit with her on the bed.
She rolls a joint as I ay on the bed, talking to her. We’re all talking and smoking, getting to know each other a bit as we’re going down the road. After a couple of hours, we stop for a pee and gas. All together, there are seven of us. Five guys and two girls.The guys go into the store while I pump the gas. Sassy goes in with a big tote that looks about half full. She and the guys come back out after I finish pumping the gas then we hit the road again.
Back on the highway, Sassy opens her bag and dumps out a few candy bars, bags of chips, a loaf of bread and two packs of bologna. I laugh and shake my head “Got lunch, did you?” “Hell yeah I did. Them sons a bitches ain’t gon see me evah gin so why not? They gets lotsa money offa folks. They kin give sum food to tha cause” Cocking my head I ask “What cause?” She laughs “Tha causa my stomach makin noise at me!” We all roar with laughter for a bit. I throw together some sandwiches and pass them around while she rolls a couple more joints.
The second day we are on the road, we stop at a rest area in Kansas. We all sit around a picnic table, talking and stretching our legs. Tom tells us we’re going to need gas by nightfall and we need to get some money. I offer myself for part of the money-making effort but the guys have something else in mind. Sassy laughs and takes my hand, telling me we need to let the guys talk. We grab our bags and head into the bathroom to freshen up. While we are in washing up, she tells me that the guys want us to themselves so us working wouldn’t be an option for them unless they HAD to. I ask her what they were going to do and she replies “They have their ways”
The morning sun glistens off the water, shimmering diamonds of light bouncing off the roof of the car. I smile as one of many dreams has come true. I’ve seen the Lady and She is breathtaking.
He pulls to the side of the road as I’m giving the other riders a kiss, having spent five days in the van with most of them, I’ve come to think of them as friends. I grab my bag, make sure everything is inside and hop out of the side door, calling out farewells and laughing. They drive away and I look around Manhattans busy streets, catching the bustle of daily life full force.
I begin to wander and soon find myself in Times Square, gaping up at the tall buildings in awe. Sitting down on the railing of a subway entrance, I stare at the people, my small town mind awhirl. Not even Denver had prepared me for THIS. I am overwhelmed.
Pretty soon I’m getting hungry and walk around to find something to eat. I find the Port Authority and spot a hotdog cart on the corner. I ask the vendor for a dog and he asks what kind of toppings. I look at the menu and laugh “Is there actually a hot dog on those buns?” “t the guy laughs “Yup, somewheres in there isa dog, just don’t go lookin for it or it’ll bitecha” I get one with “everything” and hold it in my small hands, I probably looked terrified because it was so HUGE. The guy and I talked between my bites and his customers.
He tells me about a hostel close by where I can sleep in a room for thirty dollars a night “it ain’t much but ya don’t look like ya got much cash. What are ya, fifteen or so?” I shrug “Or so. Do they ask for ID?” “Yeah but you tell them Jim sentcha, he’ll fix ya right up” He answers. I thank him and head across the street, down a block and over a half block to the hostel. I get a room for two nights with the fifty dollars I have and make an arrangement with the manager for two nights “on the house” I head up to the room, take a long HOT shower and climb into bed. It’s 1PM and I’m beat. Plenty of time to find something to do after dark.
Hours later I wake, stretch and lay looking at the ceiling. It’s dark but I can still hear the traffic outside, six floors below my window. Curios, I slip out and over to the window. I open the blinds and am awarded the sight of a million jewels shimmering before my eyes. My window looks out over the street, filled with cars. I look at my watch and am amazed. Nine o’clock at night and traffic is at a standstill below.
I slip into a pair of black slacks, a black lace top, sans bra and a white, button up shirt, unbuttoned. A pair of white sandals slipped onto my feet and the key to my room in my pocket. I put on my work face and slip out the door, catching the elevator to the lobby. I take my time leaving, looking over the grand entry before slipping into the chilly night.
I’m walking past open doors that reek of alcohol, neon signs touting nude girls and a theater, up to Times Square. I stand on the corner, marvelling at the lights of the square, reading the signs for the shows on the stages and imagining the ball dropping in a couple of days. I shiver as snowflakes begin falling lightly and pull my jacket tighter around me.
As I stand there, looking, a man walks up to me and asks if I’m working. I giggle and say “Well, I wasn’t but if you’re looking, I’m working” He chuckles, takes my elbow in his large hand and leads me to a nearby hotel. We discuss the prices as we’re walking and when we get to his room, he hands me two hundred dollars. “um.. this isn’t the amount I said, Sir.” I say as I look at the money “I know, hun, but that’s the going price up here in New York for a sweet young thing like you. I know you ain’t of age and that costs more. I just giving you what I think you’re worth” He explains. “If you aren’t happy with me are you gonna beat me up or something?” I ask. He chuckles as he pulls me into his arms “oh, don’t worry. I’m going to enjoy you very much”
He uses me for a few hours and sends me on my way with a hundred-dollar tip. Three hundred dollars in three hours. I’m VERY pleased with this and decide to see if I can find someplace to get something to eat. I find a chicken place on the corner that, amazingly, is open. I get some food and, as I’m standing at the counter eating, a black man comes up and starts talking to me. He introduces himself as “Hollywood” and tells me that he wants to take me to get a drink. I laugh and shake my head “I’m not old enough to be in a bar” He grins lopsided “I know, I’m talkin bout my place”
After two drinks, I’m pretty drunk. We’ve talked for a while and he’s told me that he’s a pimp. He wants me to work for him and I laugh at him “Now what in the world do you have that I need to pay you for?” He grabs my hair and pulls me to him, his eyes hard as he growls “Either you work for me or I’ll beat yo ass, bitch. Hows that for somethin yo needin?” I whimper and nod, swallowing hard before speaking, my voice barely a whisper “Just don’t hurt me” He slaps my face hard with his free hand “DON’T be tellin me what to do, whore. You’re mine and I’ll do whatever I want. Got it?” I yelp and nod sobbing “Yes, please don’t hurt me!”
Angrily he throws me to the floor and tells me to get undressed. I do so as fast as I can, holding my clothing to my chest and crying. He yanks my clothes from me and throws them aside “I wanna see you, slut, stop hiding yo fat ass.” He grabs my breasts hard, pinching the nipples till I cry out in pain then slaps me “Shut it, bitch. No screaming or I’ll give you sumptin ta scream about” He slaps my ass and stomach, telling me I’m too thick, that he’s going to starve me till I get in shape because no one likes a fat ass. He pinches and pokes for a while then suddenly grabs me, throws me onto the couch, pressing my face into the wall. He’s breathing hard and digging his fingernails into my scalp. I feel him moving behind me, his hands move to my ass cheeks. He spreads my cheeks and suddenly thrusts his cock into my ass without lube or warning. I scream into the couch, the pain so great that I throw up on the cushions.
After he’s done raping me, he beats me for throwing up on the couch then makes me clean up he mess before he allows me to go take a shower. Before getting into the shower, I look at myself in the mirror. I’ve got a black eye starting and my bottom lip is split. I step into the shower and sit down gingerly, curl my arms around myself and cry.
After my shower, Hollywood looks at me with disgust and tells me to get dressed. He takes me to a seedy looking part of Manhattan where a number of girls are working. He tells me to get to work as he pulls to the curb. My quota? Three hundred dollars.
I’ve worked for a couple of hours and Steve just came by to pick up the money I’ve made. I suppose you’d say he’s my pimp now but I don’t think of him that way. I consider him more of a business partner. I make the money, he takes it and pays bills and makes sure we have a place to live. Since he got here from Wyoming and hunted me down here on the streets, things have been better. He apologized and we are back together.
It’s Christmas eve again and I’m cold. I’ve gotten a room in a new motel and changed to Aurora. Maybe it’ll be a better night tonight. A guy comes up and chats for a minute before asking if I’m selling. We get into the room and he gives me the money. He goes into the bathroom and I hide the money behind the picture as someone knocks on the door.
It’s the police and I run back to the bathroom and talk through the door. “the cops are at the door” He sounds odd as he replies “Don’t open the door, they’ll go away if you just don’t answer” I’m doubtful as I stand by the door, biting my lip. “I can’t go to jail tonight!” The police knock again and this time they call my name. “Come on Angel, we know you’re in there. Let’s get this over with” I’m really shaking now and remember the coke I have in my pocket. I whisper “shit shit they can’t find this shit” I take the baggy from my pocket and open it up, toss the crumbs and all into my mouth. It’s bitter and I shudder as I swallow it down with a Pepsi from the counter.
He comes out of the bathroom as the police knock again, stronger “I don’t think they’re leaving” I say. He walks over to the door and opens it “Can I help you?” He asks. They pull him outside and a female officer comes in. “Angel, don’t you know that we don’t take to hookers in Aurora?” I look at her and frown. Her face is familiar but I know I’ve never been arrested by her. She laughs and tells me to sit on the bed. I’m shivering as she asks me what was going on and I tell her that I’d met him outside and we were going to have sex. “So you just met him and you’re going to have sex? Did he pay you?” She asks. I laugh “Nah, it’s Christmas eve. I was just looking to get laid tonight. What else is a man supposed to give a woman he just met on Christmas eve?” She laughs and shakes her head “Well I’ll see what my partner says. You sit right there” She steps outside and talks to her partner for a bit then comes in and hands me a candy cane “You’re free tonight, he said the same thing you did. Take the night off and suck on this instead” She leaves me, laughing as she walks out the door, closing it behind her. I suddenly remember where I know her from. She was a guard at the county jail last time I was there.
I’m starting to feel the drugs in my system as I sit there on the bed, sucking on the candy. I wonder how the hell she knew my name. I think for a while as I watch the snow falling outside my window. I come to the realization that I have become too well-known here and that I need to either stop working or move to a different city.
New York sounds good and it’ll be New Years soon. I could watch the ball drop! That would be SO cool. Maybe I could celebrate my 19th birthday in style. Laying there on my back I remember the money behind the picture. Taking it and putting it into my tiny purse, I make up my mind. Tomorrow I’m going to New York.
He walks up to me and stands there, looking. He’s young-looking, maybe my age, and his clothes are dirty. I look at his hands which are balled into fists. His face is a mask of hatred that confuses me. I’m immediately on guard and step away from the light pole I’m leaning against. As I look around for possible help, he spits in my face “Whore!” he shouts and walks away. I’m stunned as the spittle drips from my chin. What the hell? I think to myself as I wipe my cheek. I shake my head and sigh, leaning against the lamppost. “Some people”
“What do you want to do with your life?” I’m having lunch with my mother at her job. Something I do occasionally when I need advice or just miss my mommy. After she asks me that question I feel the tears welling up in my eyes and take a bite of my burger to buy some time to think. I look at her, gaining composure while chewing. “I dunno mom, I haven’t thought that far ahead” Her face falls and she sighs “I pray for you, you know. I pray every night for your safety and that God will guide you. I know you’re having a difficult time now and I’m not going to tell you how to live. Your aunt asked me last night why I didn’t talk to you about you working the streets. I told her it was your life and you had to live it the way you saw fit. All I can do is pray for you.” Her words stun me and I look away, ashamed “you know then…Tim told you?” She laughs softly “I’ve known for a while, daughter dear. I’ve seen you on the street when I’m on my way home from work. I ride the bus, remember?”
As I walk home, my mind is on my mother and our conversation. How many of my family know? What do they think of me? It surprised me that my aunt even bothered to ask about me. It’s been ages since I’ve seen her after all.
I spot Adam on the other side of the street and head over, jaywalking across 4 lanes of traffic to get to him. I get 40 dollars of crack from him and head home to smoke it. It’s getting dark and I gotta get ready for work tonight. I really prefer the powder coke but crack is easier to come by so I’ve started smoking it. I like the energy it gives me and the lack of appetite I have. So far, I’ve lost 30 pounds and am starting to look GOOD.
My traffic has picked up and the hours just fly by. It seems like I’m the only one out here tonight and I wonder, briefly, where Jamina is. A red sports car pulls up to the corner and the guy motions me over. I hop into the car and we talk as he drives. I tell him how much and he pulls into the next alley.
He puts on a condom after handing me the twenty. I lean over the gear shifter and put my mouth around his cock. I hum softly as I’m sucking him, his hand in my hair gripping tightly. He forces my head down, choking me with his thick meat as a tapping begins on the window. He grumbles and pulls me off himself, rolling down the window. I sit back with a sigh and realise there’s a cop standing on my side of the car. The officer tells him to step out and the one on my side motions for me to roll down my window.
“Hey Angel, how are you tonight?” He leans into the window, grinning “Geeze Mike, you could have let me get done at least” I answer, laughing nervously. “Nah, couldn’t do that. I’m breaking in a new partner” I chuckle and hand him my id “Yeah, yeah, I know the drill. You taking me in tonight?” He nods “Yeah, I have to since you had his dick in your mouth. At least for public sexual conduct.” I sigh and nod “Ok, figures it was going too well” He opens the door and helps me out “ok, give me what you have, Angel” I hand him my tiny purse with nothing in it but condoms and the twenty the guy gave me. I’d hidden the rest of my money under the rocks in the planter of the motel I passed many times that night. I hope it’ll be there when I get out.
They write the guy a ticket and let him go. After he drives off, I’m put in the back of the police car and driven to the jail. Mike tells his partner about me as he drives, About how he’s arrested me a couple of times. The officer turns back to me and asks if I’ve had a HIV test. “Yup, I get one every 6 months. I practice safe sex as well.” I’m pretty proud of myself for that. “Good thing, that, because that guy you were just with says he’s HIV positive” He says as he turns back to look out the windshield. Goosebumps cover my arms and I shiver as I look out the window into the night.
I’m walking my usual round today. From the capital building to Yosemite is about 5 miles, I think. Not that I even try to count but today I’m bored and count the blocks. Twenty three and a trick, three more and a John. Seven cops in ten blocks or one cop checking me out seven times. GOD I’m BORED today…
I stop at a bus stop and sit down next to a curly-haired guy who’s kinda cute. I strike up a conversation with him and ask him if he’s busy. He says no so I ask him if he wants to get laid. He looks at me, surprised and laughs. “Sure” is his response. I take him by the hand and all but drag him to the bushes. We have sex behind the bushes, making all sorts of noise but I don’t care. We get done and I ask him his name “Steve” he says with a chuckle then asks me mine “Angel” is my response. He laughs as he helps me up “No, you aren’t an Angel. You should change your name to slut or devil” I laugh and saunter off down Colfax. Satisfied… for now.
I do a few tricks and that cop is sitting in the parking lot when I get out of the second car. He motions me over to him with a frown. I groan and walk over to him, smiling a fake smile. “Can I help you officer?” I ask innocently. He laughs and grabs my wrist tightly, his voice low “I know you’ve done at least three tricks, girl. What you charging them?” I swallow hard, my stomach tightening fearfully as I answer “Twenty dollars” “Give me ten and from now on, you’ll give me a third of what you get. You do what I say and I’ll keep an eye out for you” He pulls me closer to him as I take out my money and hand him a ten. I look at his badge quickly and he grabs my throat “Report me, slut, and they’ll find your lifeless body in an alley somewhere. Got it?” I nod and whimper, tears coming to my eyes. He lets me go and folds the ten, putting it into his shirt pocket. I stand there, dumbly staring at him till he chuckles and says “Don’t you have a cock or three to suck, slut?” I turn and walk, shakily, back to the corner, tears streaming down my face.
Jamina watches me from across the street, only coming over after he’s gone. “Got ya, did he?” She asks as she folds her arms around me. I nod and break down, sobbing “He scared the hell out of me!” She sighs and strokes my head “He’s been doin that for ten years now, that I know of. Jus do what he tells ya and you’ll be aight.” She guides me over to the White Spot and we go inside for a bite to eat. “Ya gotta stay calm” She tells me “He’s jus a bully” I know she’s right but I’m already terrified of cops. I tell her about the rape and she nods, listening as she eats “Happens allatime, honey. Ya jus gotta roll wit it and get ovah it. We all been there. Dis ain’t tha life fer tha weak, honeychil. Ya gotta be strong. Jus play along an you’ll live. I been doin this ten years now an I know. Them men kin be bastards but they gots tha cash, yanno” “I know, but, damnit why they have to be so mean all the time?” I ask through my tears. “I don’t think I can do this anymore. I just don’t know what else to do” She looks at me for the longest time and sighs “Come on, you need to get cleaned up”
She pays the ticket and we go into the bathroom. She locks the door and pulls a small pouch from her pocket “I’m gon give you somethin ta calm you down, babe. Not too much cause it’s my stash but ya need it.” Jamina taps some white powder onto the counter and hands me a tiny straw “Jus suck it up wit yo nose, like dis” She puts it to my nose, closing the opposite one with a slender, brown finger. I do like she says, holding the straw to the powder and snorting it up. I feel like a vacuüm cleaner and start to laugh. She giggles as she taps out some more powder and snorts it up herself. “Damn, what was that?” I ask. She looks at me with a toothy grin “Coke, sistah. Tha good shit. You know, pure snow” My head begins to get fuzzy and I feel GREAT. I grab her and kiss her passionately before laughing and heading to the toilet to pee.
I spend the rest of the night in a bit of a blur. I turned a few tricks then went home, stopping by the Churches and grabbing a box of chicken to share with the cat. As I walk home, Steve is standing at the bus stop near my apartment. I invite him to my place for dinner.
Geeze, who would have thought my life would be turned upside down by this story? I can’t even come up with a fitting preview let alone anything else lol. My hubby has begun to help me by finding and creating the cover and I think he did a damn good job for his first try. I have been on the phone with four different publishers this week and they each got a couple of chapters. They are going NUTS. Good grief, you would think I’ve discovered how to turn cow shit into gold or something. It’s nice and all but I can already tell I’m going to have to get an agent or something. I have a couple of local agents lined up to interview this next week. Gotta figure out what questions to ask. I know royalties and up front costs as well as the agents cuts ect.
One thing good coming out of this so far. It’s gotten my mind off other things like my fibromyalgia. I’ve lost 15 pounds in a month and my breathing seems to have gotten a bit better. My boys know something exciting is going on with me and want to be all up in the middle of it so I’m not getting done the writing I should get done. I am going to have to tell them this is something they cannot help me with and I need quiet time. Hubby said I should take the laptop and go for a walk, find someplace quiet and write. I think, instead, I’m going to have to write while the boys are doing school work or sleeping.
I told my mother and aunt (her sister) last night about the book and my mother asked me if I was going to change names or just lay this all out as it happened. The names of those still living will be changed to protect the innocent. The dead can just deal with it. I know it’s probably going to piss off a few people but the ones that matter won’t be pissed. The others, like my fathers side of the family, haven’t spoken to me in over 15 years so I really don’t care what they think. As the old saying goes “Those that mind, don’t matter. Those that matter don’t mind”